Write 28 Days - Day 19 - Survive

Every day is different.

Every day brings a new challenge.

Each night when I lay my head on the pillow, I pray for a good night's rest...

So I can wake to a new day...

Full of more challenges.

But when I put my feet on the floor and walk out of the room, I know that I have survived yet another day of this journey.


And I know that by taking the steps one day at a time, little by little...

I will survive!

Go to Write 28 Days 2019 for a list of all  posts for this challenge.

To check out my first Write 31 Days challenge from 2014, "31 Days of Dementia's Demands", go to Barbara's Blog.

Write 28 Days - Day 18 - Create

Seriously, for me to create is not hard!!  I love to create, and anybody that really knows me will know that!

Scrapbook layouts, cards, tags, and many other crafts are always in the process of being created.


I am fortunate to have a room dedicated to my crafting.  All mine!

Being retired certainly has its advantages!

And, I can spend all day everyday creating if I want...

For now, I am still able to get away and craft with friends, either at a location where we go for our events, or to a retreat.

At some point, I know that most of my creations will be done at home.  As my husband gets to the point of not being able to be left alone, I will have to reconsider how I get my crafting done.

Currently, I am cleaning off my craft table and packing things up so I can load my car on Friday morning and head down the road for a weekend retreat...

Only about 10 minutes away!

I will enjoy the day and head home around 8 or 9, or earlier if needed, and sleep at home.  The next morning, I will get up, dress, eat breakfast and head back to the hotel.

That's what I do when the retreats are in town and that close to our apartment.

One day...

That will also be limited!

But, for now, I am blessed to be able to create in various places!

Well, talking about my creations...

I guess I should show off a few!!

Scrapbook Layout created

for a page swap at retreat

Surfing Santa

Christmas Cards

Drapery Fold

Christmas Cards

A "one-of-a-kind"

Christmas Card

There are so many more creations I could share; but that's a totally different blog!!

I hope you find time for your own special kinds of creations!

Go to Write 28 Days 2019 for a list of all  posts for this challenge.

To check out my first Write 31 Days challenge from 2014, "31 Days of Dementia's Demands", go to Barbara's Blog.

Write 28 Days - Day 17 - Surrender

When I hear the word "Surrender" it makes me think that I am giving up!  That there is no way for things to work out.  That the only thing to do is to raise my hands over my head and let someone else take over.

Like, when a war victim surrenders to his enemy; lets them take him to another location where he becomes their prisoner.

Sometimes, these conditions are far from decent for the prisoner!

I am certainly not someone's prisoner!

Yet there are many times I want to just "to raise my hands over my head and let someone else take over."

That seems to be the easiest way through this journey...

When I have no idea where it is going to lead us.

Perhaps this is what I need to do:

If I could just give up trying to understand how this is suppose to work; how I am suppose to handle all of the uncertainties.  How do I know what is the right thing(s) to do for my husband and myself.

Perhaps if I could just surrender to  what is unknown and let the "Power that be" take care of our current situation, as well as the future.

Perhaps just having a little more faith in what God has in store for us...

Now and in the future.

Perhaps what I need to do is surrender...

Lord, I surrender all!!

This hymn is one of my all-time favorites...

Go to Write 28 Days 2019 for a list of all  posts for this challenge.

To check out my first Write 31 Days challenge from 2014, "31 Days of Dementia's Demands", go to Barbara's Blog.

Write 28 Days - Day 16 - Heal

How can you mend a broken heart?

The Bee Gees asked this same question!  Listen to their song, "How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?"

Actually, mending a broken heart, or anything else, is just a "temporary fix".  Not permanent.

It's like mending the hem in a dress or a pair of pants...

They are sure to come loose again!

But to heal that broken heart takes time...

A very long time!

And, does it really heal?

I think to heal a broken heart is also temporary.

It also takes time to heal a broken heart.  Perhaps you will feel better at some point; but as time goes on, does it really completely heal?

I really don't think it does.



But, God can - and will - heal the brokenhearted...

Let Him comfort you whenever you are broken.  Let Him heal your heart and your soul.



Go to Write 28 Days 2019 for a list of all  posts for this challenge.

To check out my first Write 31 Days challenge from 2014, "31 Days of Dementia's Demands", go to Barbara's Blog.

Write 28 Days - Day 15 - Broken

I have heard my daughter refer to herself as being "broken", referring to something she feels isn't "right" about herself.

My life is broken!

It isn't the life I had planned.

I am not doing the things I wanted to be doing now that I am retired!

But, it isn't the things I want or wish for that makes me broken...

Mostly I think my heart is broken.

Not broken because of myself; but because of the pieces that are broken in my husband's brain...

The parts that dementia has taken from him.

Life will continue!  I know it will continue!  Life must continue!

Whatever may be broken can not necessarily be fixed.  But, as I live through the hard parts, even if I hit the very bottom, I will grow in strength and understanding.  I will grow in knowledge, learning more and more about this "disease".  I will learn how to handle things; or how not to handle them!

I will learn that no matter what, I will survive!  I will move forward...

I will continue to do things that I love to do; some including my husband and others without him...

But, I will continue!

Because I know that however broken I may be today...

Tomorrow is another day and "the sun is going to rise again."





Go to Write 28 Days 2019 for a list of all  posts for this challenge.

To check out my first Write 31 Days challenge from 2014, "31 Days of Dementia's Demands", go to Barbara's Blog.

Write 28 Days - Day 12 - Dance

 It was over thirty years ago.  I was an (almost) divorced, single mother of two...

Not really looking for a new relationship.

Finding a babysitter, I joined a few of my friends to go out to the "fish camp"...

I guess that's what they call a bar around here!!

There he was...

Blonde hair, blue eyes, up on the stage playing his harmonica!

I wasn't looking for a new relationship; but, what could it hurt...

Just a dance!

S0 I asked him to dance.

Actually, what I said was, "Do you ever get a break so you can dance?"

And he did!

You could say we have been dancing now for over 30 years.  We have stayed together...

Through thick and thin.

Through good times and bad.

Through sickness and health.

But now, we don't dance any longer; unless moving around each other to keep from arguing is some type of a dance.

Will I need to put on my dancing shoes to avoid a conflict?  Do I need to jump and spin around the room to keep from shouting and raising my voice?

Will this day end up being a happy one; or will I go to bed wondering how much more I can take?

Life is hard not knowing from day to day what kind of day it is going to be.

I don't handle the conflicts very well.

But I am learning...



Perhaps I need to put on my dancing shoes.

Perhaps I need to ask that blonde- turned gray haired, blue-eyed man to take a break and dance with me again?!

Perhaps I should forget what is and just DANCE!

Go to Write 28 Days 2019 for a list of all  posts for this challenge.

To check out my first Write 31 Days challenge from 2014, "31 Days of Dementia's Demands", go to Barbara's Blog.

Write 28 Days - Day 14 - Confident {FMF}

con·fi·dent

Dictionary result for confident

Definition:  adjective - feeling or showing confidence in oneself; self-assured.

Synonyms:  (Just a few!) self-assured, assured, sure of oneself, self-confident, positive, assertive, self-assertive, believing in oneself, self-reliant, poised, cool, cool-headed, calm, collected, composed,  unruffled, impassive, serene, tranquil, relaxed, at ease, together, unfazed, laid-back.

Little did I know when I checked for a definition that I would find so many other words for confident!

Use in a sentence:  "She was a confident, outgoing girl!"

Well, I'm not sure that I would describe myself as being a "confident girl"!

Nor am I an "outgoing girl."  Well, perhaps more of an outgoing than a confident girl!

I have never considered myself confident in what I wanted to do in my "career".  Or in the skills I had in order to perform the tasks associated with my jobs.

I am certainly not confident in what I am doing as a caregiver...

Things just keep getting more and more uncertain.  More and more complicated; taking more and more of my time...

But, time is one thing that I do have!

Perhaps I need to learn how to be more confident.  Perhaps this will help?!

These really aren't hard to achieve ways to gain confidence!

And, thank you Joe Namath!  I can always use more fun, and do amazing things!

Perhaps I do have more confidence than I think.  Yet, I can always improve; do better.  Especially as a caregiver.

All is not hopeless!

Go to Write 28 Days 2019 for a list of all  posts for this challenge.

To check out my first Write 31 Days challenge from 2014, "31 Days of Dementia's Demands", go to Barbara's Blog.

Write 28 Days - Day 13 - Heart

The prompt for the 13th is "Heart"; and since I am writing this today - Valentine's Day - I am full of many emotions!

Many people don't look forward to a day such as Valentine's Day; a day that celebrates Love.

For many years, I was one of those people.

Most of the years I have known my husband, he has not really shown much affection.  Nor has he been one to "give" such as cards or gifts on special occasions.

I am quite sure it has a lot to do with the home he grew up in.  Six children, and he being the eldest!  And a "not-so-loving" father.

I cannot imagine!

But there have been times when he has given me special gifts.  Or did special things for me...

In the beginning of our relationship, I had surgery.  He brought me flowers when he picked up my two children (ages 7 and 5) and took them to the circus!

One Christmas he gave me a JoAnn's gift card...that means he had to go into that "craft store" to buy it!!  But, he knew it would make me happy, and was something I could use.

A few years ago he brought me a (small) "bouquet" of flowers...well, it was a handful of weeds with a pretty purple flower.  Might as well have been a bouquet of beautiful red roses!!  That's how overwhelmed I was!

{Read about that occasion in "It's All About the Little Things" here.}

Today...when I woke this morning, I found him putting something by my computer.  He calls me over and hands me a handful of Hershey's kisses and a small paper card (both he received from the ladies in the office at our apartments), and a one dollar bill he found while walking.

What a grin he had on his face!

"My 80 year old toddler"... that's what I started calling him five years ago!  His age may have increased, but the status remains the same.

And just now, he came in from walking and handed me a plastic bag.  He had stopped at the drug store and bought a card for me; a Valentine's card "for my Wife"...

The verse inside brought tears to my eyes and filled my heart so full!

As I hugged him and said, "I love you too", he had the biggest grin on his face.

Today, my heart is full!

Today, my heart is breaking...

The person who once was is no longer there.

But the person who is now, the more mellow person, the loving person, has replaced the ugly.

Today, my heart is breaking...

Yet, it is full of the love I once felt for this person who changes before me almost every day.

I am learning every day how to "be" with this person.  Whether he is gentle and mellow, or harsh and ugly.

Deep inside...

He still is the person I fell for many years ago.



Go to Write 28 Days 2019 for a list of all  posts for this challenge.

To check out my first Write 31 Days challenge from 2014, "31 Days of Dementia's Demands", go to Barbara's Blog.

Write 28 Days - Day 11 - Inquire

There have been many times in my life that I would have responded gladly to this sign!

Needing a job would have drawn my attention to:

HELP WANTED

INQUIRE WITHIN

That simple sign in a shop window may have been just the thing to turn my life around.

But, unless I take the initiative to walk inside and inquire, that opportunity would have been lost to me.

Sometimes I wish I could "Inquire Within" my husband's head; or...

Deeper...

Into his heart and soul!

He has never been one to show affection or emotions; holding my hand or lovingly giving me a hug.

As this disease takes over his abilities and emotions, I have seen that he is showing his feelings and emotions through little things he says or does:

Complimenting the dinner I fixed for us; even if it's a plate of leftovers that I put together and warmed up in the microwave!

A bright smile when I offer to fix our evening dessert; usually a bowl of ice cream.

A shiny penny he has found while walking.  He especially loves to give me a "penny that has lost its color"...a dime, nickel or quarter!

Offering the remote control to me so I can "Watch what you want."

Helping with the chores (without being asked; he has certain ones that he always does!)

Bringing me treats when he walks to the drug store at the end of the road.  Not always my fave; but it's the thought that counts, right?  And...it's chocolate!

And yes, there have been the occasional hug or kiss planted on my cheek!

I wish I could inquire about how he is feeling.

Does he even have any idea that he is slowly losing his memory more and more every day?


How is he really feeling, physically, mentally, even spiritually.

And more...

Perhaps, just like that sign in the store window, all I need is to take the initiative.

Perhaps a simple question would open the way for a conversation.

Perhaps...

But, exactly what should that question be?

I don't know; but perhaps it is worth a try!



Go to Write 28 Days 2019 for a list of all  posts for this challenge.

To check out my first Write 31 Days challenge from 2014, "31 Days of Dementia's Demands", go to Barbara's Blog.

Word Wednesday - Unjoyful Joy

I have been on a journey...

One in which I am looking for joy in my life.

I have found many kinds of joy along the way.  And, I keep reminding myself that I do have a lot of joy in my life.

It just doesn't always feel that way!


This picture made me laugh out loud (that's LOL to some of you!)

Aren't they cute?  But, so not joyful.

In fact, I'd say they are quite joyless.


There are many times on my life's journey that I feel just like these three little ones.

Though I may outwardly show joy, as with the letters that spell it out, inside I am far from feeling joyful.

In fact, quite joy-less.

Actually, I try hard every day to have that happy, joyful smile on my face.  A lot goes on around me that causes me to feel so not joyful; but I don't want the world in on my little secret...

Deep inside I really am holding onto a lot of frustration and hurt that squashes my joy.  I just don't want what is on the inside coming out to ruin what can be a joyful one!

I look forward to all opportunities to drown myself in the joyful parts of life; and to share those times with my family and friends.

But, I also realize that joy-less-ness is not all that resides deep inside...

There's that knowledge that, however I feel, God's there for me.

And He will show me to the joy that will fill my life!



{This is just another post on my Word for the Year 2019 - joy.  Check out the others under the label "Word Wednesday."