Thoughts

 Trying to find my way through this new life Alone, as a Widow, not sure about anything.  My thoughts have been so random, and up and down, that I doubted myself so often!  I wasn't sure which way to turn; what to do with myself, how life would be like for me now...

Shortly after my husband passed, after being in a nursing home for six months, I began jotting things down in my journal; later going back and forming some of the random thoughts into poems.  This one, just titled "Thoughts", shares some of that uncertainty...

THOUGHTS

What can I say?
I know my thoughts

    are not where they should be.

I know how things were before.

This may not be right;

    but what is or isn't right

        is not the point.

I'm not sure.

It's my thoughts;

    like I have no control

        over how I feel,

or the thoughts running through my head...

And they're good, happy thoughts!

Am I allowed to smile, laugh,

     have fun, be happy?

I've done my best

    Still trying to do my best...

but I'm also doing what I enjoy;

What makes me happy!

(bjl December 16, 2022