As I was sitting hunched over the computer in my craft/computer room, concentrating on whatever I was working on…
My husband came up behind me and began to scratch my back. I started moving my shoulders and saying, “a little lower,” “no, to the left”…and he grinned like he’d given me the best gift ever!
Well, for that moment in time, he had given me the best gift! It doesn't happen very often; and it brightened my day and also gave him joy in knowing he had!
Once again, I was busy…
Is it the same if wife is busy at the computer, and husband – who has dementia and can sometimes ACT like a kid (not at heart!) – comes in with a bunch of wildflowers for her?!
I would have to say…YES!! Once again, it made my day a little brighter; and I think I can do this…one more day; and then one more day…then one day at a time!
So, what about the times when the little things are BIG things; not the good big things either! What about the times when he blows up at you and makes you feel less than? What about those times?
The little stabs in the back that become words of hatred; only to be forgotten a few minutes later…not forgotten by me; but forgotten by he who spoke those words. And, don’t even waste your breath trying to talk about it…he’s like, “I don’t know what you’re talking about! What do you mean?”
Right! He doesn’t even remember that he had said anything hurtful. He doesn’t even have a clue! Then, I become the one who has blown up or shown myself to be mean and ugly. And, I am the one that usually blows up and it does seem as if I am the ugly one!
It’s not easy…in fact, it’s quite hard!
Then, he comes in and hands me a shiny penny he found in the parking lot.
Or, with a grin as big as ever, he brings me a box of chocolates he bought on clearance at the corner drug store. Like a child, bringing his mom a bouquet of wildflowers...
He tries. I know he does! And, I try! Believe me I try so hard…yet, there’s always something that sets him off. If I knew everything that would cause him to blow up, maybe I could avoid these little episodes…
But, it’s hard to know everything that does. So, I just go on and on, and try to hold it all in; until I can’t any longer!
Thank God I have places to go and things I can do to be away from home – alone! – for a while!
Then, I can be thankful for the little things that are good; and be thankful that we survived yet another big thing. And can remember that I am not on this journey alone.
I walk it with my husband.
And I walk it with my Father God!
Thank you God for this journey I am on; for walking with me, and for the lessons I may eventually learn...
There is a light on the shore across the stormy seas; and His name is Jesus...
Let Him lead you to the light and through the journey.